Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Fan the Flames

I had a dramatic realization yesterday… we might be getting too old for cupcakes. It’s hard fitting four candles on one small cupcake. And honestly, it hadn’t hit me that I’d need four candles until last night. But, after a small (ok… very large) breakdown, I squeezed four little candles on my little strawberry cupcake.


As I sit here today, looking at the picture of those sweet little candles a song from my youth is flowing through my head.
Light the fire
In my weary soul
Fan the flame
Make my spirit whole
Lord, you know
Just where I’ve been
So light the fire in my heart again.


I’m just grateful that my heart still burns with this much passion. There is pain. God knows it. I know it. But I have so much love and joy in my life. Those are undoubtedly gifts from God to make my spirit whole.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Surrender

727 – It’s a difficult number for me. It’s a difficult day. I know going to sleep 726 that it’s going to be tough. No way around it. So I wake up knowing that today, more than most days, I need to look for the positive, silver linings and signs from God to keep me going.

I have a great little devotional book by Beth Moore entitled “Praying God’s Word Day by Day” which has a daily reading. That, along with a deck of wisdom cards (inspired by the wonderful Rev. Kathryn), guides my daily prayer. And, not that I should be surprised, today’s verses just seem perfect.

“You say to me, Lord, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Your power may rest on me (2 Cor. 12:9).
You will never leave me, Lord. Never will You forsake me (Heb. 13:5). You are the only absolute guarantee I have in all of life. Help me cling to the one thing I can never lose.”

It’s the loss that’s so hard. The lost moments, the lost smiles and laughs, the shear loss of knowing. I cannot and will not ever regret 727, but Lord sometimes the pain just knocks me to my knees. I will surrender to God.

Tonight we will celebrate her life the only way I know how… with strawberry cupcakes… and artichokes (which she craved) and the comfort of a warm embrace. I will cry as I blow out the candles on her cake. And I will make a wish, the same wish I made on my first 727: that she know she is loved, that her life be filled with joy and that God will heal our broken hearts.

I will surrender to God.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Have you brushed?

Pre-bedtime checklist:
a Wash face
a Brush teeth
a Say prayers
c Scrub my shell?


We all know it’s important to brush your teeth, but how about brushing your turtle?

I consider turtles to be a great spiritual sign of God’s love. Ever present. Protective.



God’s love surrounds us in times of need, fear, confusion, and allows us to keep going even when we fear the outside world. But, it is important to take care of that shell of armor. If we let junk build up on that shell God’s loving message might have a harder time getting through.

Times when I’m getting frustrated or overwhelmed it might be time to step back and give that shell a little scrubbing.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

You Can’t Put a Child in the Backseat (and other such delusions)

I’ve been kidding myself lately. I’ve been telling myself I’m too busy. I’ve been too tired to play. Working too hard to rest.

Obviously it has been a while since I’ve blogged. To be honest… not because I haven’t had time, just because I haven’t prioritized it. I finished up with the production of “Annie” on Sunday and am finally getting back into my routine. And, as I was trying to get back into that routine my boss told me to take some personal time off. What?! Not work. Don’t people realize how important I am? I can’t not work. I have LOTS to do.

But she insisted. Then, my friend and shepherd, Kathryn, had to jump in and treat me to a pedicure. OK. I get it. You have to take care of yourself sometimes.

So, I took the morning off and treated myself to a luscious, relaxing milk and honey pedicure. Not only do my feet look great… they’re about as smooth as a baby’s…

Anyway… You know what… the world didn’t end. Huh! How about that! Maybe I can take a little personal time. And, maybe some other delusions I’ve convinced myself might be wrong too. Maybe. We’ll see.