How’s My Driving?

Do you ever just find yourself wishing people came with 800 numbers?

This morning on my commute to work I decided to put down my book and watch the world go by. I couldn’t help noticing how many trucks, minivans and semis had bumper stickers saying, “How’s my driving?” and then listing an 800 number to call for complaints or suggestions. I didn’t see one on the little Honda that nearing smashed into my car last night, and I’ve yet to see one on any of the people clogging up the self checkout lane at the grocery store. But wouldn’t it be great if there was? Seriously… think of the possibilities.

Thank you for calling the service hot line. All calls are confidential but may be recorded for training purposes. Para español, oprima numero ocho.

Press 1 for complaints. Sorry. Box is full. Please call back at a future time.

Press 2 for comments or suggestions. No kidding. We’ve tried that – told her a hundred times, actually. But, thanks for letting us know.

Press 3 for frequently asked questions. So is this person crazy or what? Yes. Undoubtedly yes!

Press 4 for translations. What he meant was he’s bored with you and is moving on. No, he’s not calling again.

I wonder what my hotline would be flooded about. And if they’re not saying anything about me, am I really accomplishing anything with my life?

You know what would be another great sticker for people to have? “Warning! Stay back 200 ft.” But that’s another topic all together.