Identity

We’ve been waiting to receive our running groups – the 20 or so souls we would be hitting the pavement with for the next 5½ months. So far we’ve just been doing evaluation runs on Saturday mornings, both of which I ran at about a 9:40 pace. But this week I finally found out who I was – I am a Green 1. I pretty much figured I’d be a green or a yellow – I knew blue would be too fast and red would be a little too slow. I’ve embraced the fact that I’m a pretty average, middle of the pack runner. Slow and steady – that’s been my identity. So, when I read Green 1, I figured that’s probably low 9s, and I’ll admit I was a little intimidated by that thought. Could I keep up with low 9s, or would they know I wasn’t one of them?

So, bright and early this morning (okay, dark and early), I got to the meet up point and started looking for my new support group. I saw red signs. I saw yellow signs. No green. I’ll just go over here and stretch. And then, across the crowd, green, I see Green 1. I casually scooted into the circle. They mostly looked like me, they weren’t all 1% body fat and standing about half naked in 3 inch long jogging shorts. I could be one of these people, and then I read the sign. 8:01-9:00. GULP! Quick pull your eyes back in your head before they notice. Remember, they can smell fear! I tried to calmly chuckle out, “That’s a bit faster of a pace than I thought I be grouped with.” Fortunately I heard at least a couple of “me too’s”.

I left the house this morning without my watch, so I have no idea what pace we ran. My guess, probably low 9s. I kept up with the group, though – most of them anyway. This could be good. I do perform better when I’m being pushed to keep up. But there’s a big difference between running 5 miles at sub 9 and running 12 miles sub 9. I just have a hard time seeing myself as a sub 9-runner.

It’s weird the way we identify ourselves. It must be self-doubt taking over. I know the difference between modesty and self-deprecation. This feels like the latter. Here’s what I know… I’ve never been strong enough to accomplish anything on my own, but there isn’t a thing I haven’t been able to survive. My strength is in God, and one way or another I will cross that finish line – under 9 or not.